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taintedroseslisten. this was inspired by an f1 podcast (don’t ask) and it was really just a silly little idea sitting in my notes app never to see the light of day ,, but after several thoughtvomits in poor izzy’s discord dms and a ph elex anxiety-induced space with kayla, i figured it was a thesis worth publishing in an academic journal. and that academic journal in question is taintedroses dreamwidth.
these rankings are based only on two criteria: (1) enthusiasm aka willingness to dive into the deep, and (2) actual skills either evidenced by their skills on other things irl or really just dots connecting or projection (juyeon being my victim as always). actually a lot of it is just based on ✨vibes✨. my country is about to go down the drain and shitposting is my very questionable way of coping. i could Not be any more unserious.
11. sunwoo
> sorry baby! sunwoo is so bitchless it’s funny actually. (and unfortunately, relatable.)
> sunwoo’s the type to approach things like this by the book – or to be more specific, by the anime. his entire idea of a relationship is based on the things he’s seen from heart-fluttering tear-inducing romance animations. my dear friends he wrote an entire song about what he Assumes a cute romantic relationship feels like, with details down to how it feels when your hands accidentally brush while walking?? anyway, taking that into account, sunwoo would be the type to actually do research about eating pussy. on google, in porn, in whatever hentai ecchi manga he can get his hands on, et cetera. would he be good at it? do you think a guy who only reads about playing a sport would actually be good at the sport? exactly.
10. eric
> maknaes both at the bottom of this list. i wish i was sorry.
> nothing much to say about this baby because imo eric isn’t all that better than sunwoo 💔 he’s also the type of guy who would… Do Research yet not do very well. however he beats sunwoo in sheer enthusiasm. he would probably offer to make you some ramen (bribery, if you will) if you would just please let him go down on you. hate to be that person but he is textbook definition of a golden retriever boyfriend and he would very much roll over for you just to get that bone. pun intended
9. jacob
> sorry to all horny deobis that think jacob is some kind of sex god underneath the angelsona 💔💔
> what do we know about jacob? members have repeatedly pointed out that he is a gamer who games. not that gamers who game are bad pussy eaters per se, but jacob has been called out for not even cleaning his room just because he’s too busy gaming. do you think he has time to go down on you? hate to break it to you buddy. however I do think jacob, being the angel that he is, would do it if you so kindly asked. not very enthusiastically, but at least not repulsed by it. he would do the minimum, put his shirt back on, and promptly go back to his battle over at summoner’s rift. finger action is off the table by the way, couldn’t risk getting a tired hand for that WASD!
8. changmin
> you would think I’d rank him higher because i’m kyubodan who thinks he is perfect but unfort this is just not his best suit 💔
> in the words of kayla, “I think jcm would have moods sometimes where he’s like, I think I deserve to eat pussy today. but I think it’s rare.” I also do think jcm’s idea of pussy eating is a matter of whether or not he thinks he deserves it today as world-renowned self judger. honestly he’s in eighth place because although he wouldn’t be particularly Excellent at it, he would definitely be a bit more enthusiastic about it than jacob and sometimes even Offer! and come on, I think his main dancer endurance deserves some credit here. he may be mid but he will run this MARATHON until you climax!
7. hyunjae
> I’m pretty sure hyunjae deserves a higher spot than seventh but unfortunately the ones above him in the rankings just have him beat in the fine margins
> i asked kayla what xe thinks about hyunjae in this area of expertise and xe said he’s probably mid-tier because he’s more of a fingering kind of guy. i asked another trusted opinionated person and she agreed that hyunjae would be more of a dicksucking bi than a pussy eater. with that said, i firmly believe that hyunjae is the perfect mid tier of this list simply because he is just More Skilled in other things, and that’s not a bad thing! I think hyunjae would be the type to giggle while eating pussy, you know what i mean? he’d get flustered more than the girl he’s eating out, which. is cute in theory, but not very telling of SKILL. anyway hyunjae is still perfect, and any mid-ness in this area is cancelled out by him being god tier in other things. love you baby.
6. chanhee
> Why Are You Putting A Gay Man So High In A Pussy Eating Championship? stay with me here.
> my initial ranking for chanhee was actually right above sunwoo and eric because i thought he would be Repulsed by the idea of it, but kayla said one sentence that immediately shot him up a few places for me: “I think he would just instinctively be good at it.” and you know what, kayla is right! what he lacks in enthusiasm he makes up for in SKILL. cancels it out perfectly like pemdas. chanhee has very interesting and surprising random skills (i.e. running a restaurant? mental math? eating a whole pizza in 40 minutes? editing a 400-page photobook on photoshop with just a touchpad? completely random non-correlated abilities), and I wouldn’t doubt it if pussy eating is something he’s secretly good at. he just kinda has that vibe, don’t you think? he’s a girlboss who gatekeeps and geatspussy.
5. haknyeon
> it physically pains me to put him so low on this list. if I were to be completely biased and not objective at all, he would be my pussy eating champion 💔 but alas,
> I actually believe haknyeon is incwedible at this and he would smoke all these bitches on the list. name one physical activity that haknyeon isn’t good at. it’s impossible! guy is amazing at wakeboarding, rock climbing, bowling, horse riding, golfing, being a gymbro. are any of those things related to pussy eating? probably not! but it’s the best we can work with. unfortunately he only ranks fifth despite being god tier pussy eater because he would just not be enthusiastic about it. he would offer, yes. but all those Other hobbies are just way more important to him. he WILL be on that grind, just not the kind that is in the bedroom 💔
4. younghoon
> this is admittedly one that is very biased and influenced by one (1) fic and nothing else
> by now you should understand that I put gay men really high on this list. and, well, they deserve it! younghoon is a man of SERVICE. a whole wife in the kitchen making sandwiches. the amount of effort he puts in to be That Guy For You, as evidenced by how he treats deobis in the universe PMs, is insurmountable. he may not be naturally skilled in the pussy department (see: clips 1 and 2 of cocksucking-adjacent incidences on vlive), but he will surely be willing to learn and do what it takes to make you feel good. I even think just the act of it would be enough to get him off untouched, that’s how much he loves and cares for you.
2.5 kevin
> sorry for the anti-climactic top 3 but second place just has to be shared by two boyz
> kevin is an Artisté. everything he does he has to do perfectly and he will probably die if he didn’t add in a little kevin moon twist just to make him better than the best. that’s why my idea of kevin is that he’s so dedicated to the craft that he actually owns a hitachi magic wand just for his girl. you know the vibes. you ask him to surprise you and he opens his bedside table with an array of toys, just short of an entire sex shop. fingers trained by all those years playing the piano, tongue trained by being a (formerly main) vocal, and toys for a little razzle dazzle. hope you’re ready to see STARS with your moonlight boy, etc etc.
2.5 juyeon
> listen. juyeon is just That Guy. he doesn’t see pussy eating as just a simple act of foreplay, it is a binding moment where two souls connect in a loving act of passion. or, you know, maybe just another way for him to get compliments. either way, juyeon is a guy who would Commit. he will not half-ass pussy eating because he wants to Do Well. i’ve said this a million times but juyeon is a people pleaser, and he will do everything in his power just to make sure you have a good time and tell him, explicitly, that he is doing a good job. never underestimate the lengths this guy will go through just to satisfy his praise kink <3 also rip to juyeon’s beautiful beautiful nose tip, you would have shot juyeon straight to first place. you are deeply missed.
1. give it up for your WORLD PUSSY EATING CHAMPION, lee sangyeon!!
the W.P.E.C. with his trophy (source)
> sorry to be the ENTIRE FANDOM but sangyeon earns his rightful place as deobis’ favorite boy to objectify
> sangyeon is a Wife Guy, in the complete opposite way younghoon is. i feel like this man was born a HUSBAND and he has fully committed to that brand since debut. he has done his pussy eating research, practiced the techniques on a half-sliced grapefruit, and has perfected the art before he has even met you. he may be clumsy as hell but he has the Determination to be the husband of your dreams. in the wise words of STAYC GIRLS, it’s GOING DOWN (on you) <3 not only will he give you the head of your life, he will clean you up, put the kettle on, and cook you a mean soup for all your troubles. sangyeon is the Perfect Man and no one will disagree with me on this. even the boyz.
congratulations sangyeon! and better luck next time for the boyz at the bottom 💔 anyway, this list is not final and will be reviewed periodically for any changes. for any comments, questions, suggestions, or objections, please do not hesitate to contact the researchers (me). mwah
these rankings are based only on two criteria: (1) enthusiasm aka willingness to dive into the deep, and (2) actual skills either evidenced by their skills on other things irl or really just dots connecting or projection (juyeon being my victim as always). actually a lot of it is just based on ✨vibes✨. my country is about to go down the drain and shitposting is my very questionable way of coping. i could Not be any more unserious.
11. sunwoo
> sorry baby! sunwoo is so bitchless it’s funny actually. (and unfortunately, relatable.)
> sunwoo’s the type to approach things like this by the book – or to be more specific, by the anime. his entire idea of a relationship is based on the things he’s seen from heart-fluttering tear-inducing romance animations. my dear friends he wrote an entire song about what he Assumes a cute romantic relationship feels like, with details down to how it feels when your hands accidentally brush while walking?? anyway, taking that into account, sunwoo would be the type to actually do research about eating pussy. on google, in porn, in whatever hentai ecchi manga he can get his hands on, et cetera. would he be good at it? do you think a guy who only reads about playing a sport would actually be good at the sport? exactly.
10. eric
> maknaes both at the bottom of this list. i wish i was sorry.
> nothing much to say about this baby because imo eric isn’t all that better than sunwoo 💔 he’s also the type of guy who would… Do Research yet not do very well. however he beats sunwoo in sheer enthusiasm. he would probably offer to make you some ramen (bribery, if you will) if you would just please let him go down on you. hate to be that person but he is textbook definition of a golden retriever boyfriend and he would very much roll over for you just to get that bone. pun intended
9. jacob
> sorry to all horny deobis that think jacob is some kind of sex god underneath the angelsona 💔💔
> what do we know about jacob? members have repeatedly pointed out that he is a gamer who games. not that gamers who game are bad pussy eaters per se, but jacob has been called out for not even cleaning his room just because he’s too busy gaming. do you think he has time to go down on you? hate to break it to you buddy. however I do think jacob, being the angel that he is, would do it if you so kindly asked. not very enthusiastically, but at least not repulsed by it. he would do the minimum, put his shirt back on, and promptly go back to his battle over at summoner’s rift. finger action is off the table by the way, couldn’t risk getting a tired hand for that WASD!
8. changmin
> you would think I’d rank him higher because i’m kyubodan who thinks he is perfect but unfort this is just not his best suit 💔
> in the words of kayla, “I think jcm would have moods sometimes where he’s like, I think I deserve to eat pussy today. but I think it’s rare.” I also do think jcm’s idea of pussy eating is a matter of whether or not he thinks he deserves it today as world-renowned self judger. honestly he’s in eighth place because although he wouldn’t be particularly Excellent at it, he would definitely be a bit more enthusiastic about it than jacob and sometimes even Offer! and come on, I think his main dancer endurance deserves some credit here. he may be mid but he will run this MARATHON until you climax!
7. hyunjae
> I’m pretty sure hyunjae deserves a higher spot than seventh but unfortunately the ones above him in the rankings just have him beat in the fine margins
> i asked kayla what xe thinks about hyunjae in this area of expertise and xe said he’s probably mid-tier because he’s more of a fingering kind of guy. i asked another trusted opinionated person and she agreed that hyunjae would be more of a dicksucking bi than a pussy eater. with that said, i firmly believe that hyunjae is the perfect mid tier of this list simply because he is just More Skilled in other things, and that’s not a bad thing! I think hyunjae would be the type to giggle while eating pussy, you know what i mean? he’d get flustered more than the girl he’s eating out, which. is cute in theory, but not very telling of SKILL. anyway hyunjae is still perfect, and any mid-ness in this area is cancelled out by him being god tier in other things. love you baby.
6. chanhee
> Why Are You Putting A Gay Man So High In A Pussy Eating Championship? stay with me here.
> my initial ranking for chanhee was actually right above sunwoo and eric because i thought he would be Repulsed by the idea of it, but kayla said one sentence that immediately shot him up a few places for me: “I think he would just instinctively be good at it.” and you know what, kayla is right! what he lacks in enthusiasm he makes up for in SKILL. cancels it out perfectly like pemdas. chanhee has very interesting and surprising random skills (i.e. running a restaurant? mental math? eating a whole pizza in 40 minutes? editing a 400-page photobook on photoshop with just a touchpad? completely random non-correlated abilities), and I wouldn’t doubt it if pussy eating is something he’s secretly good at. he just kinda has that vibe, don’t you think? he’s a girlboss who gatekeeps and geatspussy.
5. haknyeon
> it physically pains me to put him so low on this list. if I were to be completely biased and not objective at all, he would be my pussy eating champion 💔 but alas,
> I actually believe haknyeon is incwedible at this and he would smoke all these bitches on the list. name one physical activity that haknyeon isn’t good at. it’s impossible! guy is amazing at wakeboarding, rock climbing, bowling, horse riding, golfing, being a gymbro. are any of those things related to pussy eating? probably not! but it’s the best we can work with. unfortunately he only ranks fifth despite being god tier pussy eater because he would just not be enthusiastic about it. he would offer, yes. but all those Other hobbies are just way more important to him. he WILL be on that grind, just not the kind that is in the bedroom 💔
4. younghoon
> this is admittedly one that is very biased and influenced by one (1) fic and nothing else
> by now you should understand that I put gay men really high on this list. and, well, they deserve it! younghoon is a man of SERVICE. a whole wife in the kitchen making sandwiches. the amount of effort he puts in to be That Guy For You, as evidenced by how he treats deobis in the universe PMs, is insurmountable. he may not be naturally skilled in the pussy department (see: clips 1 and 2 of cocksucking-adjacent incidences on vlive), but he will surely be willing to learn and do what it takes to make you feel good. I even think just the act of it would be enough to get him off untouched, that’s how much he loves and cares for you.
2.5 kevin
> sorry for the anti-climactic top 3 but second place just has to be shared by two boyz
> kevin is an Artisté. everything he does he has to do perfectly and he will probably die if he didn’t add in a little kevin moon twist just to make him better than the best. that’s why my idea of kevin is that he’s so dedicated to the craft that he actually owns a hitachi magic wand just for his girl. you know the vibes. you ask him to surprise you and he opens his bedside table with an array of toys, just short of an entire sex shop. fingers trained by all those years playing the piano, tongue trained by being a (formerly main) vocal, and toys for a little razzle dazzle. hope you’re ready to see STARS with your moonlight boy, etc etc.
2.5 juyeon
francesca (04/09/2022):
would juyeon be good at it ???? […]
dizzy:
i think he’d be deliberate about it […]
and [be] attuned to your responses
francesca:
juyeon thinks about pussy eating poetically ,, "this is a love language . i am doing her an #act_of_service i will do this right"
in kayla’s dms, 05/13/2022
k: are we allowed to rank them equally
because I think ju = kev
but only for the pussy eating. if its other things like vibrators and dildos kev would be better
me: honestly in my own personal ranking juyeon was even FIRST PLACE but I agwee
FJJDNFJSJFHKSKD kevin goes the extra mile with Toys juyeon goes the extra mile with sappy devotion
k: PLEAJEMWHSJ
I AGREEEE
juyeon just genuinely likes it
> listen. juyeon is just That Guy. he doesn’t see pussy eating as just a simple act of foreplay, it is a binding moment where two souls connect in a loving act of passion. or, you know, maybe just another way for him to get compliments. either way, juyeon is a guy who would Commit. he will not half-ass pussy eating because he wants to Do Well. i’ve said this a million times but juyeon is a people pleaser, and he will do everything in his power just to make sure you have a good time and tell him, explicitly, that he is doing a good job. never underestimate the lengths this guy will go through just to satisfy his praise kink <3 also rip to juyeon’s beautiful beautiful nose tip, you would have shot juyeon straight to first place. you are deeply missed.
1. give it up for your WORLD PUSSY EATING CHAMPION, lee sangyeon!!
the W.P.E.C. with his trophy (source)> sorry to be the ENTIRE FANDOM but sangyeon earns his rightful place as deobis’ favorite boy to objectify
> sangyeon is a Wife Guy, in the complete opposite way younghoon is. i feel like this man was born a HUSBAND and he has fully committed to that brand since debut. he has done his pussy eating research, practiced the techniques on a half-sliced grapefruit, and has perfected the art before he has even met you. he may be clumsy as hell but he has the Determination to be the husband of your dreams. in the wise words of STAYC GIRLS, it’s GOING DOWN (on you) <3 not only will he give you the head of your life, he will clean you up, put the kettle on, and cook you a mean soup for all your troubles. sangyeon is the Perfect Man and no one will disagree with me on this. even the boyz.
congratulations sangyeon! and better luck next time for the boyz at the bottom 💔 anyway, this list is not final and will be reviewed periodically for any changes. for any comments, questions, suggestions, or objections, please do not hesitate to contact the researchers (me). mwah
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